Spring is trauma season at our house. This means that along with flowers blooming, spring vacations, and deep cleaning, we are also tending our daughter’s wounds. We’re immersed in self care and holding onto the bright spots. We’re reminding ourselves that all things move and change. This poetry series is my way of wrapping love around a challenging time and documenting our journey of building a family through adoption. Enjoy!
This is part four of a ten-part series of adoption poems by Allison Kenny.
Where’s that compassionate voice, Mama?
Where’s that hug?
That reminder of my worth?
Where’s that comforting hand?
That soothing kiss?
Where are the loving nicknames?
The willingness to listen?
To make space?
Where are you, Mama?
I haven’t heard you for a while.
And it’s bad in here without you.
You are the only one who can make it alright.
Will you jump into this muck and save me?
I really need you and I’m scared. I’m alone.
In the deepest way.
So, so afraid
Can you come in here after me, please?
I’m sorry I hit you and kicked you and tried to bite your arm.
I’m sorry I yelled. I didn’t mean it. I really didn’t.
Please don’t leave me here.
With my abuser.
I confuse you sometimes, I know.
I look at you like you’re a monster.
I get afraid you are.
And I know that you don’t like that.
But I see monsters everywhere.
I can’t help it.
My brain just does it and I don’t know how to stop.
Mommy, please be strong enough to stay.
Read your book and watch your show and take your walk.
Don’t give up on me