Posts for fostadopt

What I Learned Adopting an Older Child From Foster Care

Forever Family - Allison Kenny - October 11, 2017

 

What I learned is that the hard stuff

Was so much harder than I thought hard stuff could be

What I learned is that I made it worse

Because I really couldn’t see

That it would it get better

I was so very afraid

A lot of the time

But I did remember to enjoy

The good stuff

I learned that when peace and ease visit

It’s crucial

That I enjoy them

I learned that attachment takes

So much longer than I wanted it to

Two and a half years in our case

I learned that she had no reason

To trust us

And it was unfair of me to expect her to

I learned that the things she’d remember

Are mostly good

Like feeding the ducks

Outside the courthouse

On Adoption Day

And being lifted up by her new Mamas to

Put the star on the Christmas tree

I learned that under all her defenses and

Survival skills

She is so sensitive

So sweet

Curious

And generous beyond belief

She is funny

And courageous

It took so much time for her to come into herself

I had to be patient

I had to take good care of myself

I had to learn to just wait

Or I’d miss the good stuff

Altogether

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My Family Celebrates Adoption Day Topless

Forever Family - Allison Kenny - October 17, 2016

We were told in foster parent training that the kids we are placed with may have been sexually abused. So, it’s important to have privacy when anyone in the family is changing clothes or using the bathroom. This protects everybody and strong boundaries should be in place until your child is legally adopted.

“What if we’re at a street fair and I have to use a port-a-potty? I won’t leave my child outside,” I protested.

“Bring them inside and have them turn around,” I was told.

And we did. All year, a closed-door has meant “knock please.” Morning routines have included “please wait” as we cover ourselves out of the shower and have Squirrel turn around when we pee. Cumbersome. Weird. Especially as someone who believes in raising a body positive girl. But I also believe in safety no matter what. And until trust was fully built and we learned more about her history, I did not want to risk triggering our new daughter or breaking the rules of being a foster parent.

I knew we’d reached a higher level of trust when Squirrel began begging to see us naked.

“Please, Mama! Just let me see your boobs!” she’d whine in the mornings. We didn’t get to breastfeed her or hold her on our chests in the moments after delivery. I took her boob obsession as a great sign. We explained the limitation and how once we were all officially a legal family, it would be fine to change clothes in front of one another if we all wanted to.

After a fairly intense 2 weeks leading up to Adoption Day, I knew we could all use a good laugh.
So when Squirrel stumbled into our bedroom groggy-eyed on the morning of October 16th, I pulled off my tank top and stood there topless in front of her.

“Happy Adoption Day, Lovebug!” I cheered, striking a triumphant pose. She screamed with joy. Danced in circle. And fell to the floor.

“Mommy, look at your CUTE BOOBS!” She was thrilled. She ran to find Mama Lynn.

“Now YOU!” she demanded. Lynn complied with a little grumbling. Squirrel was delighted to be in a room getting dressed with her Mommies. What a perfectly normal thing for a family to do. But for us, it was our first time and it was special. It turned our Adoption Day into Mardi Gras…a tradition I’m sure we’ll keep up each year.

Once dressed herself in the special dress we’d been saving, Squirrel spun in a circle on our bedroom floor.

“Look at my Adoption dress, Mommies!” Then she pulled the dress up over her head. “And look at my little Adoption BOOBS!”

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I have maybe never laughed so hard.

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