Posts for two moms

What does it mean to be raising a go girl? This.

Forever Family, Go Girl! - Allison Kenny - August 31, 2017

Welcome. I’m Allison Kenny and I am Raising a Go Girl! How do I know this about my daughter? Because she said yes to coming to live with my wife and me when she was six years old after early life in foster care. She said yes to being adopted by us, she said yes to giving herself a safe and happy life. I know she’s a Go Girl! because she says no when she doesn’t want a hug from a neighbor, she says no to excluding kids, she says no when she is afraid.

I know my daughter is a Go Girl! because she gives more generously than anyone I know. She makes fairies and slugs well-decorated homes. She gives her artwork and she gives her time to be helpful. She takes in the good, too. After 2 years, she lets us hug her heart to heart. She shares her gratitudes at the dinner table. They are almost always about food.

She’s a Go Girl! because she learns from her mistakes. Even though she’s quick to be hard on herself for messing up, she remembers that no one is perfect. She tells herself, “Mistakes are part of learning” and she’s mastered the art of apology.

My daughter feels ALL THE FEELS. She has big feelings and is slowly, slowly learning they are all okay. It took a long time for her to feel safe enough to talk about feelings. Now, when she says things like “I’m confused, Mommy” or “I feel sad,” we scoop her up and give her a ton of love. She noticing what she feels and what she needs. She knows this makes her human. She knows she is not alone. 

My daughter is a Go Girl because she takes center stage. She grew into her leadership after a long stretch of struggling to be flexible, share or take turns. She wanted to control absolutely everything and everyone. I know the feeling. She’s learning, though, that being a leader means listening. I see her write down all her friends’ ideas in the club she started and ask them what job they want to have. I know she’s come a long way. 

My girl is a Go Girl! because she’s being raised by them. My wife and I do everything we can to be the women we want our daughter to see. Mostly, this means allowing her to watch us fail, fall, fight and get up again. She watches us repair and keep going. She sees that we’ll never give up on each other and never give up on her. 

My daughter is a Go Girl. 

Photo credit: Marcus Salinas

 

Wanna know more about being a Go Girl? Check out the Spotlight: Girls Culture Code HERE.

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How 2 Moms Celebrate Father’s Day

Forever Family - Allison Kenny - June 18, 2017

We celebrate the Uncles

who take her to Crab Cove, to ice cream, to bowling

who send her postcards from their travels and buy her dresses for Christmas

 

We celebrate

The 2 Dad Families in our lives

who remind her that our family is not so different

that she has good friends a lot like her

that men can be loving and nurturing and funny and smart and strong

and make the best french toast

 

We celebrate

Mr. Corey who made her believe she could do math

Helped her through missing Mamas at school

And spent extra time with her 4 days every week for 2 years

 

We celebrate her birth dad

who she doesn’t see

but gave her life

who she doesn’t know

but is very real

who kids ask about and she has answers ready

because we practice

 

We celebrate the men who help her feel seen

Protected

Safe

and

Sound

 

On Father’s Day

We Celebrate

Our Villiage

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Being 8

Forever Family, Go Girl! - Allison Kenny - June 15, 2017

 

Being 8 is sitting in the car

Without a booster seat

It’s being able to scooter in front of the house

From here to there

With a friend

While Mamas stay inside

And peek through the window

Being 8

Is no longer needing

Morning snuggles

Most days

Cause you are too busy in your own bed

Memorizing Hamilton lyrics

Or finishing up that Chapter Book

On Your Own

Being 8 is understanding

Cause & Effect

Finally

So chores and morning jobs and “Yes, Mamas”

Are no big deal

They lead to fun and Yes and more of what you love

Being 8 is all about

Playdates

Where you design cookbooks

With recipes like, “Allison’s Amazing Applesauce”

And “Lynn’s Lovely Lemonade”

Being 8 is safe

Being 8 is free

Being 8 is choice

Being 8 is just the tiniest bit sad for Mama A

Because it means you will never again be 7

You will never be again 6

6 is the age that you were born to us

Our baby years with you only lasted a very little while

And you are already

8

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When My Daughter Sees Gay Marriage

Love Wins - Allison Kenny - June 14, 2017

When my daughter sees gay marriage

She sees two parents

Kiss every morning

Every night

And really anytime we see each other

Then begs for kisses herself

 

She sees us pay our bills together

Make dinner together

Run our business together

Sing made-up song and laugh about nothing

She sees us go on dates, every week or month

 

She sees us talk it out

When I get triggered

By Lynn’s sarcasm

or she gets frustrated

By how controlling I can be

 

She sees us ask one another for what we need

Set boundaries

Choose self-care

Most of all, she sees how in love two people can be

After 15 years

 

How we put our marriage

First

Before even her needs

Because first, we had each other

Because we want to show her what

Healthy relationships look like

 

When my daughter sees gay marriage,

She sees our marriage

She sees

Love, stability, respect

She sees happy

 

She sees everything

She deserves

 

 

 

 

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She Calls Me Mama A

Forever Family, Love Wins - Allison Kenny - June 12, 2017

They Want to Know-

Those Mom and Dad families

Feeling Curious

Wondering

Imagining

What Family is Like

When the Labels

Don’t Fit

When the Boxes

Aren’t Checked

Mom and Dad Families

Wonder

 

Who Takes Out the Trash?

And Who Does

Her Hair?

Who Can She Tell Her Secrets To?

And Who Cares For Her When She’s Sick?

 

How Many Moms Do You Have?

Kids At School Wanna Know

Two

She Says

Lucky!

Kids Know

What’s Up

They Know Love Wins and Would Never

Vote Otherwise

 

Mom and Dad Families

Have Questions

The Big One

The One They Ask

Most

Is

What Does She Call You?

 

What is the Name for

Families Like Mine

The Name is Yes

The Name is

Respect Our Rights

The Name is Equal

The Name is Awesome

The Name is Love

 

Also, I’m So Happy To Tell You

To Help You Picture Us

Families Like Mine

Beautiful

Real

As Important As Your Family

I’m So Happy to Tell You

 

She Calls Me

Mama A

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Taking Care of Myself Like I Take Care of My Daughter: Winter

Self-care - Allison Kenny - December 1, 2016

Alarm goes off and all

Beings pile into the big bed

Mama, Mommy, Roxie, Rufus

Heaven

 

Serious snuggling

Kisses and puppy games

A little morning light

Kitchen pajama dances

Cause all I want for Christmas is YOU

 

Nursing colds with hours and hours and hours in bed with books

Sipping tea from gold mugs on saucers

Sweet orange oil in her bath and mine

Smudge with sage and sweet grass and lavender

 

Let’s make posters about what we believe in, Mama

Give our money where it counts

Breathing in fear, breathing out safety

We’re all working hard to make sure the leaders we choose do what’s right, love

 

Smoothies with beets and pasta with bacon

Real wood in the fireplace

Hot water bottles

And so many twinkly lights

 

New running shoes for the Revolution

And daily walks, walks, walks

Family hugs inside a redwood grove

Can you feel the roots entwined under our feet?

 

Close friends close

Smiling at neighbors

Keeping the house clean, clean, clean

Early bedtime

Candles lit

 

Keep laughing, Mommy

I love it when you laugh

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Parenting While Human, OR Things I Tell Myself When My Kid Throws a Fit in Public

Self-care - Allison Kenny - September 14, 2016

You know the moment. When your child’s eyes glaze over and they gear themselves up to throw an epic fit in Target…in the grocery store…at a friend’s house…on an airplane…and there you are: heat rising up the back of your neck, cheeks flushed and mind racing as all eyes turn on you. What’s she going to do? The adults nearby want to know. What’s Mommy gonna do? Your kid wants to know. What am I going to do? You want to know too.

These moments are the stuff mothering is made of. What happens next? For me, my thoughts turn quickly into action, so I’ve learned to pay attention to what I tell myself during tense parenting moments, especially when I’m in public.

Wanna know the things I say to myself when I’m embarrassed about my mothering in public? Check out the post I wrote for Rookie Moms  this week! So honored I got to be a guest writer on this awesome site and give an adoptive mama’s perspective.

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